


To the one I liked

by dragon_dream



Series: Night thought [1]
Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:14:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23046847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragon_dream/pseuds/dragon_dream
Summary: I never meant to fall in love with you and you never meant for me to fall
Series: Night thought [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1656280
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

I was lying on your bed, cuddling with your fluffy pillow. You've just gotten out of the shower, crawling into bed, snuggling up against me. The proximity of your bare skin heated up the air.

Even though you'd mentioned the heater in your room was not working, I felt it was nothing like a typical winter night with bitter smell of coldness, but rather a summer day with warm and flaming fire.

"How do you know if you love someone?" I asked, genuinely curious. I'd never had a relationship or been romantically attracted to someone, let alone fallen in love.  
People always talk about love at first sight, but what that actually means -- do you blush when you see that person or does your body react differently towards him/her? Neither of them had I ever experienced.

You tittered like you were surprised by a hilarious question.

A half-suppressed laugh sept away from the back of your throat followed by a soft rumbling voice. "Having lectures for teenagers now, aren't we? It's like my mom having this conversation with the twelve-year-old me."

You tugged me closer and threw the pillow out of my arms, replacing it with yourself. I had a good chuckle out of your childish action.  
Ever since I'd mentioned I hugged a pillow whenever I was on a bed, you'd sought out every opportunity to toss the poor pillow away and then let me warp around you. A proper body pillow -- that's what you call yourself.

"How do you know you want someone to be your girlfriend, not just a normal female friend?" I continued, resting my head on your chest. "They said you heart would skip a beat when you see that special person, but I've never had that feeling."

You dissolved into laughter like a rolling thunder boomed across this tiny flat. I raised my eyes to met yours. The bedside lantern casting a pale light over your face, there was a twinkle inside your eyes, glittering like scattered stars that were embedded on the velvet dark night sky.

"I'm sure having irregular heartbeat is not a good thing. Heart arrhythmia can cause serious problems." You said as your hand gently brushed against my back, trailing down the curves of my spine. "I think it's the fear of losing her. The thought of someone else having her push me to have a formal conversation to confess my feeling to her and talk about our relationship."

I don't fear losing you. I have never expected anything great would happen between us other than having a dinner mate or Netflix mate.

But I will be lying if I deny the fact that I think about you a lot lately as if you've rooted inside my brain. I started to look forward to our meaningless daily small talks beginning with 'Good morning' and ending with 'Sweet dreams'. I can't hold my grins when your texts pop up on my phone. I imagine your laughter, your sarcastic tone and your charming British accent behind every word and emoji. Sometimes I want to be with you for no reasons or for reasons I don't quite understand. And I crave for physical intimacy with you.  
Does it also count as falling for someone? Like me falling for you?

Of course, I didn't ask. I didn't say it out loud. Instead, I steered the conversation away to some biological topics in the rhythm of your steady heartbeat.

I'd never been good at showing my feelings. Opening up meant getting hurts while pretending as a carefree person kept me safe and sound.

I still don't fully understand what you mean to me.

A companion to walk through my youth?

A seasonal person who bring colours to my dull grey world and will eventually leave on a sunny day?

Am I blinded by your dazzling confidence, endearing sense of humour and your deep husky voice?

Am I fond of you only as a friend or is there something more?

I made up loads of nicknames for you during our endless small talks. Curly hair dragon, Sleepyhead, Dear knight...It's the first time I knew how intimate it could be just by saying your name against my lips.

But I don't believe these feelings would last. Nothing ever lasts. They would be buried along with my memory under the dust someday as oxytocin and dopamine decline in my brain. By then, I would forget those nicknames and address you as someone I used to know and possibly used to like.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I kinda like you -- I'm madly in love with you and absolutely adore you but I can't say because it sounds creepy."

Sometimes I wish I was the old me who had never met you 

I wouldn't be torn by my feelings

I wouldn't be affected so easily — a simple text, a simple emoji could stir up my world 

I would still have control over my brain and my thoughts 

My mind wouldn't randomly wander towards you every now and then


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Would you catch me if I fall for you? Or you would let me break into a million pieces?

Why do we need a partner or a lover? 

To produce heirs?

To continue humanity?

I don’t give a damn about it

I just want a shoulder to cry on 

I just want a tree hole for my dirty secrets 

I just wanna experience the rush of oxytocin and dopamine

But fantasy is always fantasy 

I never dare to show my vulnerable side to someone 

I never trust someone to keep my secrets 

People change easily 

People wear masks 

The cost of feeling loved seems too high

Could I risk it? 

Could I risk my stupid broken heart again?


End file.
